Typically, I would be flying to Los Angeles from a stay in the Basque County but this time I am on my way to New York City…to Manhattan to be exact. I have planned an extended stay for 6 months. Why? When asked that question my response has always been because it has been a “…life long dream” I have always wondered what it would be like to go downstairs for coffee or for lunch or to shop and then just go right back upstairs. No cars, no fuss, no muss. But the truth is…I am now wondering just why was it so important to me to do this?
I have talked about it for years, probably most of my adult life. Somehow it always sounded exciting. Now I am wondering if it always sounded good because it was a great escape for me and believe me, during my life I have had a need for escape many times.
My life has not been easy and I almost hate to say that because really things have fallen into place for me on many levels over the years. I have had a lot of help from dear friends and family. I have also always had the determination to move forward…to make things happen.
I led a very sheltered life right up until I got married at age 23. I lived in a comfortable home with two wonderful parents and a younger brother. I had the opportunity to go on to a 4-year university in Santa Barbara (two hours away from home) right out of high school at a time when most girls, especially Basque girls did not even think about going to college; however, I threw it away when I got homesick…the very first weekend! Classes hadn’t even started—I barely got through orientation. My father was more than happy to pick me up and I was so grateful I went to work at the local bank … just as my father had wanted. I never gave myself a chance to do what I really wanted to do. Is this why this move was so important to me?
Five years later I married only to have my new husband suffer a head injury on the job while driving a truck just two weeks after the wedding. His head injury consisted of a blood clot forming which required surgery. He was in a coma for three months and then what I called a semi-coma for a while after. He couldn’t speak, only walked when prompted and generally was not aware of his surroundings. Little by little and with therapy almost everything seemed to come back; however, he was never the same man, his personality was completely opposite. He would live for 8 years and in the meantime we had our daughter. I often think of the days I would take her for a walk in a stroller, feeling so confined, telling her one day we would go back east to visit. It always sounded so good to go to the eastern coast. We did go to Boston the year she turned 16 and had a wonderful few days but then it was back to reality and many years of working long hours. Is this why this move was so important to me?
Through the years I would watch young people around me graduate from high school and then go on to college. Many would go away and I would always be so happy and so excited for them. I always felt that just going away was an education all on its own. I wasn’t envious but truly excited for them. Many would move away for a job after attaining their degree. When my daughter decided to go to school in San Francisco I was truly excited for her. In fact within a month or so, she phoned me to tell me that she had decided to come home. I told her I did not want that for her – she knew my story and I told her it was one of the biggest regrets of my life. I asked her to stay for the semester and if she still felt the same way I would support her coming home. She never mentioned it again and in fact, still lives in San Francisco with her family and loves it. All these people were able to experience life and attain goals somewhere else. Is this why this move was so important to me?
I ended up going to school on a part-time basis while working at a bank. My 4-year degree took 11 years but once I had that degree I was able to get a job in financial reporting for a defense contractor. I started at entry level but it was still better than what I made at the bank. However, this involved working many hours of overtime including weekends. Through this company I was able to go back to school for my MBA and they paid for it. This led me to two other jobs and when I retired at age 70 I found that I was in a better financial position than I had ever imagined I could be. Don’t get me wrong…not a GREAT financial position but again better than I would have ever expected. Now I was at a point where I had time to go on an adventure and I could actually afford it. Is this why this move was so important to me?
I have lost most of my immediate family one by one and it has taken a toll. My father died before he could see the progress my husband had made; my husband died before he could see his child grow up; my mother died before she could see her one grandchild (at the time) grow up; my brother died before he could live his life fully. Although I must add, my brother had 3 children he saw graduate from high school but he had just re-married and didn’t even have a chance to celebrate a one-year anniversary with his wife. Do I NOT want to miss out on anything??? Is this why this move was so important to me?
I am a big movie and television buff and have been since I was a child. I seem to always be drawn to shows filmed in New York City. I love “White Collar.” I think it is because there are so many street scenes. I love “Suits.” I think it is because of the lavish offices with the incredible sky scraper views. I love “You’ve Got Mail.” I think it is because of the street scenes but also the dialogue they have about New York in the Fall. Since I retired I fell in love with “Sex in the City.” I loved how it was about four friends who shared EVERYTHING but also their love for Manhattan. The street scenes, the restaurants/bars they would go to, the various neighborhoods. Is this why this move was so important to me?
So now here I am 8 years after retiring wondering just WHY did I want to move to NYC for 6 months? Is it because I felt I missed out many years ago? Is it because I felt restricted (for lack of a better word) for several years? Is it because I truly just want to experience big city living? Or, just experience as much as I can??? Did I just want to see what it was like to be a part of the various neighborhoods in Manhattan? Why did I want this particular chapter added to my life?
I am hoping to be able to have a better explanation over the course of the next few months. Stay tuned.